2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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