Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
