Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
