You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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