i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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