connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
