Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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