kristin has been a bad kristin
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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