We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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