separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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