It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
