He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
