i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
