I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
