So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
