no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
