I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
