So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
