someone get that fucking seahorse.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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