dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
