Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
