His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
