somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
