I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i out mim tonsoeep
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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