About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
