Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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