You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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