My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
