Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize