What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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