he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
