If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
