just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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