If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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