My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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