Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
