what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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