sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
