i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this is an emotional support booty call
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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