The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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