can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wear drunk well.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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