so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
