I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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