His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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