Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
