Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
