Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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