When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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