I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
