Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
