i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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