How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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