The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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