I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
