she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
