You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
