i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
