My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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