Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
