Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
