My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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