I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
