i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
