ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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