I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize