Apparently you make a good broom.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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