i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He passed out mid-signature
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
