okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
as a side note pls kill me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
