We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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