who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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