did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
