I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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