Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
